Who's right here?

*Sorry it's super long*

So I struggle with major infertility. I've had 8 miscarriages and now I haven't had a period in over 2 years and I no longer ovulate. I'm struggling horribly because I have all the symptoms of menopause at nearly 21 and I've been ruled out on everything else but menopause by multiple obgyns and now I'm terrified I'll never be able to have kids which is my only dream in this world. I wanted to go to an RE but I knew we couldn't afford it so I was venting to my grandmother about it and she said she'd happily pay for it. I was ecstatic but surprised because she is totally against us having children and if I got treatment for my infertility symptoms and got my period back I would most likely fall pregnant and I would think she'd be pissed. I explained all of that to her plus what an RE would actually cost and she said she still was wanting to pay for it as long as she could go. Of course I said yes because she was being so supportive and I thought itd be nice not to go to such a scary appointment alone. I booked the appointment and now it's tomorrow. She has had two months to explain her grievances with me and back out and she has not once said anything other than that she was excited to figure out what was wrong. Well within the last week that has changed. All last week my symptoms have increased alot and i also struggle with major pelvic pains and things of that nature and they were coming more frequently and intensely. I've been having hotflashes like every hour now too and major mood swings that have been happening nonstop. I was explaining all of this to her and she abruptly said, "I dont care about any of that. That's your problem. I just want your period back." I was appalled and said, "But these are very major symptoms that mess with my day to day life. I cant work because they are so intense." She said, "You're fine. When you get your period back theyll all go away." I tried to explain that fertility isnt that simple and I may always be plagued with these symptoms and never get my period back and she abruptly ended the conversation and rolled her eyes. All week she has been commenting that I focus too much on my infertility and that it isnt any big deal and I'm "making mountains out of mole hills". (her favorite phrase when it comes to my fertility) Well today I called to confirm if she was coming to the appointment and she said, "Well idk." I'm like what do you mean? You were excited before. She said, "Will I be allowed to go in the room with you because if not then I'm not going or paying." I said I wasn't comfortable with her being in the room with me because she has her own agenda for my fertility and I needed to discuss some very private symptoms with her and I didnt want her only focusing on my period. She got offended and said, "I need to know what I'm spending my money on Kendra! If you're just going to get pregnant because of this then I dont want any part of this and I dont appreciate you using me to get pregnant." in a very harsh tone. I was taken aback and said, "How dare you! First of all Jake and I can have children whenever we please and if you're going to use this as a way to control that then I dont want your money and I'll find my own way to pay for it. Secondly I'm going there to treat my infertility and find out what's wrong so that I can get better and even have the option to have children." She said, "I'm not paying for a pregnancy I dont want I just want your period back. I'm looking out for what's best for you and you shouldnt have a baby." I said, "You knew Jake and I were trying and that my fertility was the one thing hindering me from it. pregnancy is going to happen in the near future no matter who pays for this appointment. I'm not using you to get pregnant I just wanted your support. You're the one who offered knowing what we were going through. You will sit outside because it is a very private appointment and if you're not okay with that then dont pay. I dont appreciate you backing out at the last second if you do as you had plenty of time to tell me all of this and you didnt but I'll hold nothing against you if you do." She said, "Fine! I'll go and I'll sit outside like and outcast and pay for your little baby making scheme." She starts talking in a tone like I tricked her or something. I only ever wanted her support. I said, "If you're going to speak like this then I dont want your money. I'm sick of this. You only ever think of your own agenda for us and you dont even hear what I have to say for myself or my struggles. You dont hear how in pain I am and you dont listen to me or provide any support. It's all 'Dont have babies and get your period back.' with you and I'm sick of it. I have no support through all of this and everyone has their own little agendas for me and my fertility whether it be that I have babies or dont or I have to fix this that and the other. I'm all alone in this and you're making me feel even more isolated and I dont need that especially with the depression I already have. Actually start listening to me and what I want or dont be a part of it at all. I dont care but just stop being so damn cruel to me. If you dont trust me that is fine but you know that I will have kids in my early twenties no matter how I get them. I have no choice in the matter if I want them to be biological and I cant adopt so they kind of have to be. I'm sick of you only talking about my period and me not having children. I get it you think I'd be an awful mother because I'm not you. That's fine but it isnt youd decision. Dont pay for it if you dont want a pregnancy as a result of it. Dont pay for it if you will continue to be unsupportive and dont pay for it if you want to be in the room. You do not control this I do and that's final. I wanted your support not this." I had to stop talking because I was near tears. She said some nasty things to me then said, "I'm going and driving and paying for it what time do you want me to pick you up? Do what you want I dont care but I dont support it." She sounded heavily offended. I told her what time it was and she said shed be there and hung up. I just couldn't take it anymore. Everyone in my family either thinks I'm being silly about it, making it up or they dont care. They dont understand because they dont suffer from it and the ones that do suffer from it are of no support. They just say they have it worse than me because they had to try for a whole six months due to endo or they had to try for 10 years so why should I get a "magic baby doctor" to fix it all. Then I have my grandmother and Jake's family who think I "can just adopt at 30" or "dont need kids anyways just travel" who never felt such a strong need for kids and never struggled with infertility so they dont understand why I want and might even need to have them young. I'm all alone in this and isolated and have no one to talk to and all of this overbearing pressure from everyone and myself and my husband and society and I just cant breathe and I feel like I'm drowning. I mean what can I do!? It isnt my fault I'm going through this. It isnt my fault I'm not an easy case. I'm sorry my struggles annoy you and your five kids. No I dont want to talk about how my cousin struggles with it and give her sympathy with none of you ever have me any and shes the same age. No I dont want to go to the thousands of baby showers as the last time I went you literally said, "Too bad you cant have kids Kendra. At least you get to play with ours. Do you mind babysitting?" I dont really appreciate you taking advantage of my infertility to get a life long babysitter. Sorry i cant just "not think about it and everything will go away" because that isnt how infertility works and it literally consumes all of my life. I cant just cherr up. I cant just wait until I'm ready to have kids. I cant just save money and ignore the crushing painful symptoms. I cant just do what you want me to do I cant I cant I cant. I'm sorry I'm so fucking annoying and inconvenient and depressing to be around. I'm sorry that I'm not like you but I cant fucking help it. Just please support me somebody. I feel like I'm in a pitch black empty void screaming for somebody anybody to help me to support me to hold my hand or be near me but there is no one and I'm all alone and I cant do it anymore. I cant live like this anymore. Sometimes I just want to die and try again in the next life. I just cant live this life all alone and I have to and it's just too much. It's all just too much.