I moved out to college in September and on the very first day of classes I met this boy named Jack. We became friends, the kind that was a friendly face around campus. But by the third week, we were practically dating. After only one week, he told me he realizes he doesn’t want a relationship during the first year of college because he wanted to focus on academics. I was sad but he said he wanted to be friends. I wasn’t sure if I believed him, but then his best friend Liz told me she heard what happened between us and that he really does care about me and want to be my friend.

The next few months carried on with us developing a good friendship. Over winter break in January, we were snapchatting and some hints were dropped. I asked what he wanted to do, and he said he still hadn’t changed his mind, but I said I did. So we agreed to a casual thing. We ended up having sex, it was his first time and my second. We continued being friends but also having sex about once a week for maybe a month and a half. Then things slowly then very quickly turned from casual to serious. We were always together and very clearly liked each other. But we never had the what are we talk. I was too afraid to bring it up since he said he didn’t want a relationship even though it seemed obvious he changed his mind and everyone knew. I started falling in love with this boy.

Suddenly it’s May and we’re getting ready to move out and he lives nearly 2000 miles away form me, so I knew we had to talk about it before leaving.

He was actually the one to bring it up. He looked me in the eye and told me that I’m his best friend. It wasn’t what I expected to hear, but I was shocked. He had become my best friend too. He told me I’m his favorite person to hangout with but that he still doesn’t want a relationship so he wants to cut off anything romantic and sexual between us and just be best friends because he never wants to lose me.

I was heartbroken. This was the first boy I’ve ever been in love with. But I was also happy to be his best friend. I’ve been trying to forget about the situation now that I’m gone, but truth is I do miss him. Maybe that’s just because I haven’t seen him since it happened because he’s so far away and he’s my best friend so I just want to see him. But I’m struggling because I know deep down I’m still in love with him and I’m afraid I’ll never find someone like him and someone who cares about me and treats me the way he did.

Please help :( how do I get over this?