I'm gonna ramble here for a second...

I had a miscarriage on May 14. when I went to my first appointment(8weeks) I was measuring two weeks behind and the baby had a very low heart beat. I was supposed to wait two weeks and come back on May 15. the morning of the 14 everything was fine and then I got cramps out of no where, my doctors wouldn't answer and I had no clue what to do. I went to the hospital only to be told they need to get another doctor to come look, not only did that make my heart fall but the woman flung the door to the room open with people in the hall with my legs in the air and the doctor already in the room looking in my vagina. She asked for some forceps or something and pulled a sac out she told the nurse to hand her a cup for the "specimen" the worst thing I could have done was look. I obviously had so many emotions going through my head and I'm like did she really just do that and I was devastated. I see everyone I know having theirs or announcing they are pregnant and all of me wants to be happy but I keep getting the little green monster ... I know it's bad but I can't help it. especially when you will never hold yours... I can't get over this and I don't know what to do... I keep trying to fake smile but I'm breaking... I just want my baby... 😭😭😭