Emotionally Abusive Mom Help

I know that this is more so for babies but I need the opinions of moms for this question. Anyways, hi! I’m 14 and I believe that my mom is emotionally abusive towards me. Because of this, I speak to her in disrespectful ways and I dont notice it. I feel like my mind is full of hurt and anger. So a little bit of background on me. On my first birthday my father was diagnosed with Leukemia and died shortly after; dec 24 of that year. After that my siblings, a little of my mom, and my grandparents raised me. ( btw my siblings are 29 and 26... the 29 year old are twins) I always loved my mom especially when I was sheltered. Then it was the summer going into 6th grade that made me change my mind. My mom remarried when I was two and my step father was the father figure in my life. Unfortunately, in that summer he left. He left because he felt too cramped up in the house (that wasn’t the only reason but I didnt know that at the time). We lived in a 3 bedroom townhouse with 6 people and my sister had just told my mom that she was pregnant. He left and it was a nasty divorce. The problem was that me and his daughter aka my step sister that’s 19 we’re put in the middle of everything. My parents would both tell us something to make us mad at the other parent and since I’d been so sheltered I didnt realize it.

Anyway she succeeded and still succeeds because I practically hate my step dad and not bc of the reasons my mom wanted me to hate him but he dropped me and I felt very sad because i have now lost two fathers. It got so bad between them. So bad that I wanted to kill myself bc I dealt with that at home and at school I was getting bullied by this guy that I really liked. Unfortunate and fortunately, my sister told me that she was pregnant the day before my scheduled suicide so I canceled my “appt” and decided to stay for the baby. This new baby comes and she literally give me life. I vow to like never think about suicide again bc she’s going to need her auntie... boy was I right. Fast forward to 8th grade year. First, I find out that I have a little brother from my step dad. Turns out after he left my mom he started sleeping with this drug addict that used to be a patient at his job and she had a baby boy named Mathew. When I found out about him he was almost one. He asked me to keep

It a secret from my mom and being stuck I did. If i told my mom I was afraid that she’d lash out on me like she does when she’s disappointed and takes it out on me. Then about May of last year I was with my dad and my mom receives a text from my sister. She had left both the kids ( oh this is the same sister that had my niece... in the interim she had another boy named Jeremiah the girl is jordyn) at my Grandmom’s house and wasn’t back my like 9. She wasn’t answering her phone calls .... she basically vanished my mom texted her asking where she was telling her that my Grandmom was having a hard time with the kids by herself.... she responds “oh well tell her to drown him, I should’ve done it anyway”... now we have a dyfs case. Ever since then ive been raising these kids. They are 1 and 3 now. I got Jeremiah when he was about 3-4 months old. My mom does stuff financially but I’m basically the stay at home mom juggling that and a normal teen life. Now to the point where my mom is emotionally abusive. I’ve even left some stuff out but as you can see my life has been a lot over the past three years. And over the 3 years my mom has gotten worse. She lashes out on me, doesn’t help me, puts other guys before me, dumbs me down into thinking I’m not good enough, she doesn’t appreciate, she says some f’ed up stuff that really hurts me. It’s honestly a lot to type.... but today she says “ you know you’ve been acting really disrespectful To me lately. I don’t know if its because I’ve been going out a lot with my men or you just don’t like me but whatever it is I want to resolve it so what is it”

Now a normal bystander that would seem good because shes interested in my feelings but that’s false. She’s going to make me tell her what’s wrong and then she uses reverse psychology and manipulation to make me feel like my feelings aren’t justified. Honestly that kills me inside. And tbh if she wanted my true opinion, id say that i dont like her, shes not a good mom and she just f***s with my mind. She’s the reason I cut and suffer from depression but she already knows that and refuses to get me professional help. And through all of this, I still want to know

How to fucking please her by treating her nicely.... all of her kids have gone through depression and it doesnr run in our family... coincidence is bs. She literally is a monster. I just don’t know how to deal. I need help before I explode. I don’t know how much longer I can take the abuse. Please help me!

UPDATE: so today was really bad.... I was on the verge of tears like all day. I mustered up some courage to talk to a crisis hotline and she basically told me the same thing that everyone’s been telling me and that’s that there is nothing I can do about my situation and I’m just going to have to wait it out. I am basically unsaveable and I just have to accept that and keep it moving.