Do I still have my Hymen?

I come from a very religious culture and we are not allowed to have sex before marriage. If ur future husband finds out ur not a virgin he will divorce u and ur parents will disown u. On ur wedding night ur supposed to bleed when u first have sex and I’m afraid I won’t. I have a boyfriend he’s black and he fingers me all the time and I havnt bled. He wanted to

Put the tip in so I let him and it didn’t hurt at all like a inch went in. My mom gave me a 10 minute witch evil talk saying don’t touch urself there and don’t let anybody touch u there and to never wear tampons. I have worn a tampon when I was 11 and it hurt soooooooooooopo bad. I told her I never use them. I do school dancing and the splits and when I was 10 my cousin pushed me one this little hole so I fell multiple times on my butt. My parents expect me Hymen to be intact and they will never believe the idea that a Hymen can break by anything but sex. I’m so scared. I feel like I’m going to die. My parents have been suspicious of me and Bc of how I wear makeup and dress and how I care about my looks so they think I’m a hoe or something and would have sex. I can’t let my

Future husband think I’m not a virgin when I am just because of the blood. So I’m thinking before I first have sex with him I get a knife and cut my inner leg so I can bleed. I have a black american boyfriend who wants to marry

Me but I want to marry someone like me I’m arab and want to marry a Muslim middle eastern man. I’m so scared. What

Do I do. These are pictures of my vagina. I seen pictures on the internet of hymens and they are skin circles with a hole in the middle. Mine isn’t

Like that. All I see and feel I looked in the mirror there’s a pink piece of skin cover covering my whole vagina and no hole in the middle of it. I don’t see a black hole or tunnel I don’t see inside my vagina when I spread my fingers to see inside. I just see a big piece of skin covering everything. Is this my Hymen? It doesn’t hurt to be fingered but only if u go in deep and hard