Miscarriage

I had a dream. All three of us (my husband daughter and I) were at the hospital and I just gave birth to a baby boy, who we named James for some reason. He had dark curly hair and it was so long and he was so beautiful. Our baby would have been born this month and I feel so stupid for saying this, but I feel like that was his way of saying hi and that everything is ok and he’s happy. Idk how I can love someone so much that I never even got to meet, or hold, or take care of. My body and soul ache for that baby every single day. Maybe today was the day he would have been born. I know I’m thinking too much but I’m so so sad. I feel as if I will never get better from this. My anxiety and depression have been at an all time high and nothing is helping. I need a vacation from my own head.....