Last time Part 2

So I'm officially done with this stupid baby making shit that it's not even funny. We have been trying for 1 1/2 years to conceive,during that time my husband 20 yr old niece ended up getting pregnant (the night I told her she was actually about 2 months along and didn't even know it yet). My husband grandpa died last week and we both thought "with death comes life" and were a little hopeful that we might end up pregnant. So last Wednesday we show up to the viewing only to find out his cousin had had her baby that day- we never even knew she was pregnant bc that side of the family doesn't talk to our side for some reason. I'm upset,but I'm still ok and kind of like whatever. So last night my husbands niece with the almost 1yr old tells me that not only is she pregnant,she is 6 MONTHS ALONG!! I decided FUCK IT,if everybody is going to get this beautiful miracle of life and I'm OBVIOUSLY not,then I'm not going to sit here and put myself through this torture anymore. My husband doesn't like it,but I told him I've been praying and fasting for over a yr now for this miracle,if he wants this so badly then it's his turn to beg God, fast, and fight like a mad man for our promise child. Maybe then he'll know how I feel after he has sacrificed so much for God only to watch everybody else get our blessing. I don't have anymore fight left in me. I give up.