Feeling sick...

So I’ll try to make a super long story short.

I met this guy a while ago (April 2016) and we began to text and FaceTime since we were in two different cities for the summer. We connected instantly like we’d known each other for years. August comes, we have sex and things go good for a couple of months. Even though we initially stated NSA, we both admitted we had feelings for each other. He didn’t want to be in a relationship though. Around December, he starts to be distant and we agree to be just friends. Valentines Day (2017) we somehow end up having sex again and this continues for a bit. Then, he starts becoming really distant. So, I decide to cut him off sexually and keep my distance.

Things go well until January (2018) I get transferred to his job. We begin to work together and though I fight it, we fall right back into the habit of flirting and talking. Our friends all say our chemistry is unmatched. Somehow, this man loops me back in and I fall again. I never tell him because I made it very clear that past December that I was over him and wanted nothing to do with him and his toxic ways.

So, I’ve been internally battling my emotions for him since then. My pride won’t let me tell him because I feel like

a) it’s been too long. He’s going to know I’ve felt this way the whole time and I’ve been pretending.

b) if he missed me, he would tell me too.

c) I need to let him go because it’s not going to work.

Though I’ve been telling myself for months to move on, I cannot. He was my person. I’ve never ever been stuck on a person like this. I just want to get over him, but no one makes me laugh or understands me like he does.

Anyone have any advice?