Anyone Else Have a Pattern of Giving 100% to People Who Don’t Deserve It?

Hi Ladies,

I just went through a pretty rough few months of a very sudden, devastating breakup (he was using Tinder) and then a very drawn out process of discussing trying to work through it, during which he ultimately treated me like garbage and flat-out rejected me. The experience itself has made me realize that I have a history of, almost exclusively, developing feelings for and pursuing people who don’t match my level of interest. To be clear, I’m not talking about pining over an unrequited love, I mean pursuing someone who is interested a little (usually because they are physically attracted to me) but doesn’t want to commit to me either sexually, emotionally, or both. I’ve wasted years of my own time on “relationships” like this because I make excuses for the way they treat me, because it always feels like the relationship that i want with that person is just slightly out of reach and that maybe things will fall into place eventually. I’ve also noticed I’ve had similar habits with friendships, always being drawn to the people who don’t put the effort in. I am looking into a therapist to discuss this with.

I’m trying to work through why I do this, and am hoping to hear from other women who have or had a problem with the same thing, and how you worked through it.