is this abuse? *long post/rant*


the guy I've been with since I was 15 is I think mean to me I don't know if its because of my past that I think hes mean or if he really is please help

hes made me run away

hes thrown hot sauce in my eyes

ripped up things that belonged to my son that I lost

In 2016 I found out I was pregnant and he had beat me up with the girl he was leaving me for he said he only made me run away with him for "free p*ssy" and he never loved me

after he found out I wasn't "lying about being pregnant" he came back

before I even had his baby he tried to kill us and himself

and now he calls me a fat useless whore says nobody wants me or cares about me

hes never loved me ect

last week he hit me in front of our son.

he says I deserve what he does and he shouldn't have to apologize because I asked for it and I'm a bad wife and mom.

or that I should kill myself

I don't understand if I really do deserve it or if I'm just being crazy??