MIL overbuying?

Question

PLEASE tell me if I'm acting irrational. I might be. I've been married for 7 years. My MIL has a history of being overbearing, controlling, & boundary crossing. Despite this, we have managed to have a good relationship. She lives 5 minutes from me.
She has literally purchased thousands of dollars worth of baby items for this baby including: a video monitor, a changing table, a bathing tub, baby lounger, a baby carrier, countless baby clothing, a baby towels, swaddles, receiving blankets, diapers, bath wash, toys, books, etc. 
For her home she has purchased a pack & play and travel system (stroller, car seat, base) & crib. 
I'm mildly freaking out. Some of these items I would have loved to pick out myself- she gets hurt if I exchange things for a different style.
I'm nervous she feels like she spent so much that she's entitled to endless time with the baby. Is she crossing a boundary or should I be grateful that she's so involved!? it's okay to say I'm crazy. 
thanks for your insight!!

Answer

While it's super nice of her to do these things it's equally as not nice if she's guilt tripping you into the purchases as well. My MIL is getting "upset" that I'm not letting her buy an exorbitant amount of stuff when in reality it's just another avenue over which she can issue control over a situation ie. She would use the amount of stuff she bought for me as a leverage.

I flat out refuse to have my child be used in this way. My excuse was that I'd already bought the stuff and that my own family wanted a part in this beautiful time aswell. Use your lady balls and stand up for yourself, this is YOUR pregnancy and you shouldn't have to feel like justifying why you want certain things. 💪 Don't let her bully you into a long guilt trip! Xxx

Answer

have your husband talk to her, after all it is his mom, and as I was always told, "don't say anything to his family you wouldn't be ok with him saying to yours." express to your husband how it makes you feel and why, don't forget the why, i.e. I feel Like she is doing this so she can say she gets the baby whenever she wants, or I feel like she is buying things that I wanted to pick out, I am fine with her purchases as long as I have a say in what she is buying.

Answer

My mil is like this too, she went completely over board when my son was born. Luckily she was fine once he was here. She’s a stay at home wife and her kids are grown and gone so she has money to spend on whatever she wants and all she does is shop so buying a shit ton of baby stuff is her pass time, it may just be the same with yours 🤷🏼‍♀️ it could be a boredom thing.

Answer

My MIL is the same way. She's constantly buying everything she thinks we need or asking us if we need something. My SO keeps telling her stuff we still need without talking to me first and honestly it's gotten to the point where I feel like my baby doesn't even belong to me. If she crosses the line one more time I might explode. I understand where you're coming from and I feel like we should politely say something and if that doesn't work then just give everything back. I know I'll feel better if I do.

Answer

where do you get one of these mil. mine likes to do nothing and spend nothing on my kids and guilts my husband saying it is my fault because i stay at home and never ask her to watch.them and we never bring them to her but she doesn't ever want us to bring them over when we do ask. so please give me an over involved mil

Answer

It is super nice of her to have purchased so much for your baby. It helps take some of the burden and stress off of you. If you had another style, theme or color in mind, you could gently tell her how appreciate you are of her gift but that you had your eye on another style (brand, or whatever) If she freaks out, that’s not your fault, especially if she didn’t ask or tell you she was planning g to buy whatever item it was. 
Unless she’s specifically said she expects sleepovers and visits whenever she wants them, no one really knows if that’s her intention. We can only just assume. If she’s known to be overbearing and cross boundaries though, I would kind of prepare for the worse and hope for the best kind of thing. She can expect sleepovers and visits all she wants but gifts don’t insure she gets special time. YOU are the mother! You also need to make sure your hubby is on the same page as you though, and that he isn’t afraid to make sure he lets his mother know her place. She is the grandma and will get visits, but the parents get to choose when those visits will take place. No amount of gifts or badgering will change that

Answer

While my MIL has not spent thousands on baby stuff, she loves to pass on random items she thinks I’ll use like diaper cream, teething gel, and clothes for my 3 year old that are 3 sizes too big. She’s currently annoyed that I won’t allow my son to stay with her when the baby comes. Unfortunately, that is due to some shadiness on her and my FIL’s part. I don’t trust them to be unsupervised with my son, so he will stay with my mother. I would make it clear that while you appreciate all the gifts, you do not need all of it, and you have certain ideas about what you actually want for the baby. She will not like the push back at first, but the more you stick to your guns, the less she will challenge you especially if your husband backs you up.

MIL overbuying?

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey