I feel like I can’t talk to anyone

I’m a first time mom and my daughter, Katherine, is just shy of two months old. I’ve been having the hardest time with my PPD and being a mother. I’m convinced it won’t ever get better. Everyone told me about the joys but no one warned me that I’d be so angry and sad all the time. I can’t get excited for anything, I don’t want to get out of bed, or some days even wake up, I have horrible thoughts, and I just hate everything. I love Katherine but I feel like sometimes, I shouldn’t have been able to be a mother.

I can’t stand to be around my husband because he goes out and does things for hours at a time and doesn’t have to worry about anything. Its gotten to the point where I could care less about anything he has to say because I envy him so much it’s close to hatred. I have to be by her side every second of every day because she cluster feeds and screams when I shower for ten minutes by myself. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like if I actually left the house for an hour. I haven’t been happy or felt like myself for two months. I just need someone to tell me I’m not alone.