Dear B

I don’t even know where to begin... It’s been a year since we last spoke. And I still think of you on a daily basis. I think about how you’re doing, I wonder if you think about me or if I’m just some distant memory.

You gave me the best 2 1/2 years of my life. You were everything to me. The love I had for you was breath taking. It was earth shattering. If you would’ve said “jump” I would’ve said “how high?”.. My heart still aches for you. For the memories we had. That night we slow danced in my pitch black room and you sang to me to calm my nerves about the next day. Holding your hand when you were in full uniform and proudly walking next to you as everyone around us stared. But I loved it. You look amazing in your uniform. The day you were leading worship at church, you were singing and playing guitar, and you just looked at me and smiled hugely. When you would pull me away from your massive family gatherings just to pin me up against a wall and kiss me and then grab me by my hand and walk me right back to the group. The days you let me curl up in your chest and how I got buried in your arms and we’d just listen to each other’s hearts beating. Those moments were everything.

I just really don’t miss the days we argued constantly. When I asked if you loved me and you told me no. When you’d ignore me because you were mad. Or get mad when I’d try to surprise you. But even through the bad times, we had so. Much. Good.

I miss you. More than words can describe. More than my heart can take some days.

I hope you’ve found love again. I hope you’re happy, wherever you are. And you can just be you. I hope you know someone in this world still secretly loves you more than there are stars in the sky and water in the oceans. And I hope someday you realize that..

Stay safe fighting those fires, my love. And believe in the strength and courage you have when it’s all you have to hold onto.