Update 7/2:

Wow. I am at a loss for words. I cannot explain the level of gratitude I feel for each and every one of you. I am so overwhelmed, in the absolute best way. The support you all have shown towards me means more than any of you will ever understand. I have seriously read every single comment. You’re encouraging words and stories put tears to my eyes and mean so much to me. You ladies are like gifts, I have never felt so much love and support, ever. I was seriously expecting so much judgment when I wrote this, but I have received the complete opposite. I have been wanting to write an “update,” but I am literally speechless. Thank you to every single one of you. Seriously I am so thankful. I can’t put it into words.

You all have encouraged me to seek help and join a meeting group. I was really afraid to do so. I’m scared honestly.

I’m really scared. A lot of you are praying that I stay clean once my son is here and I will be the first one to say that that is my biggest fear. I want and hope to stay clean. Idk if I can, and that’s the brutal truth. But because you guys haven’t judged me I feel like I can say that out loud. Maybe a meeting will help with staying clean once he’s here? I hope so.

A little backstory if anyone’s interested- my parents are both active users and have been before I was born, I’m 25. They’ve used my entire life. My sister and brother both passed away to drug overdose. My Baby’s father and I have known each other since we were 8. And have been on and off for 5 years. It wasn’t until 2016, we he was diagnosed with cancer, until we started using aggressively, meaning every day, all day. He saw it as a death sentence and gave up. And I starting using with him. Before 2016, we used Vicodin, percs, occasional meth. And before we knew it.. here we were the typical, full- blown tweakers.

After reading you’re guys comments I realized maybe a sponsor will help, and I hope I can be brave enough to reach out to you girls not anonymous.

Again, thank you. You guys are seriously saving me and giving me the strength to stay clean. 💕

——Original post down below —-

Maybe you’ve seen one of my post before, maybe you haven’t. As I’ve shared, anonymously, before I found out I was pregnant I was on meth. I smoked it and snorted daily, about every couple hours all day, every single day. Although, you probably wouldn’t know. Just my baby’s father knew.

I went to work everyday... did “normal” people things. Kept it a secret, as any druggie would.

Well, I’m in my 24 weeks of pregnancy now. I found out I was pregnant when I was 5 weeks and 6 days.

I had been trying to score a sac all damn day. Finally did. Got high and went to wal mart. Joked about getting a pregnancy test since I was late on my period. Went home, smoked some more. Took the test and my world froze. Like just stopped. Here I am high, on the toilet, by myself. Completely caught off guard.

One thing I am damn proud to say is that moment I found out I stopped cold turkey using. I’ve been sober and clean since. I have not used at all.

Fuck, I’ve been tempted, I’ve wanted to so fuckin bad. But I haven’t.

My baby’s father is not clean and is still using. I probably would be to if it wasn’t for my little life growing inside me.

Nights like tonight.... I try so hard to fight the cravings. They’re really hard... I dream about getting high. I wouldn’t harm my baby. But HOLY SHIT this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. The cravings and urges are so strong sometimes...

I’m doing this by myself, so I guess jotting it down and hearing your encouraging words help a little with knowing I’m doing the right thing.

I could go on, but I doubt anyone’s read this far. I appreciate if you did read it tho.