Okay, so the boy I was crazy about when I was in high school ended up being a friends with benefits situation. I was okay with it because it meant I would get to spend time with him. Recently, he texted me explaining how he was embarrassed because he knew he wouldn't be able to treat me the way I needed to be treated at that time, and he said he wants to go out on a date, and not just hook up, he wants to try "us out." Just a summary. So, he came over yesterday, and before he came over, I got really nervous because it had been years since I've seen him. I ended up getting drunk and very high, and I feel like I just embarrassed myself. I was so giddy, and nervous, and I just kept telling him how happy I was to see him, and he was so sweet... he could tell I was nervous and he tried so hard to help me relax... but I couldn't. Stoned me was like, damn girl, breathe, look at that smile, listen to his words, he's happy to be with you right now, but drunk me was like, bitch, you look like a, hot mess, you've gained weight, he's not going to be into you unless you sleep with him, soooo, I took him to my room and rocked his world. He stayed for like an hour after and said how much he missed us... but I just, ugh. I'm so mad at myself. I'm mad that I was nervous when he's a sweet nurturing man who tried so hard to help me relax, and I'm mad at myself for sleeping with him. I'm debating whether or not to send a text to say sorry.. but would that be stupid?

I stashed my weed and put my liquor away. When he texted me to tell me he wanted to try us out, he said he needed a strong independent woman by his side, and my behavior last night was a weak, dependant high school girl. Should I apologise, or let him come to me?

Smfh. I'm such a trainwreck 😥