Since we started dating we had a “different” sex life. We seldom had sex but we’re very sensual and still had intimate encounters. And for the last 3 years we only have had intimate moments ONCE A MONTH!!! 😢For most of our relationship I have been practically begging him to fuck me or touch me every day as I am the one who has the higher sex drive. This alone has caused issues with our sex life because I’m unintentionally making sex a task or chore to him.

About 1 year ago I accidentally saw some pictures on his phone when he was flipping through his photos so of course I became Miss Detective...he was looking at porn and masturbating almost everyday while he was in the bathroom and I was in the next room. This destroyed my self esteem because I didn’t understand why my real body, his girlfriend/fiancé wasn’t good enough.

He always told me it wasn’t because I wasn’t good enough but because of his sexual traumas that he experienced growing up. I completely understand why his childhood and adolescents could have shaped him as an adult sexually HOWEVER...

Nothing gets better. And there’s a new excuse every other day

-I’m tired

-you’re too pushy

-you don’t initiate

-the house is a mess

-maybe if you sent me a picture I’d be turned on

-maybe if you didn’t talk about it so much it wouldn’t ruin my desire

-I need to shower

-I have to be up early

-it’s too cold

-it’s too hot

We have been married for almost a year now and things don’t seem to stay better for long. I feel so terrible about myself and I don’t know how to make things better.

Sorry for the long post but I have no one to talk to about this.