Infertility Secret?

Question

How does everyone handle their infertility journey? Is it something you keep to yourself? Do you share it with others not here on Glow? I was thinking  of posting things on my Instagram to be able to look back at my journey.  Has anyone else done this?

Answer

I tried opening up to friends.... most don’t understand and tell me to just relax, it will happen. They don’t understand fertility drugs, bloodwork, ultrasounds that aren’t for a baby, IUI, and IVF. They don’t get why I’m trying to “force it”. The others offer to be my surrogate (not knowing which infertility we have), or ask what’s wrong with my husbands “boys”. I talk to others going through fertility treatment, and my husband. My own family doesn’t even get it and only ever ask if I’m pregnant yet.

Answer

Honestly I would not tell people.  They ask very personal questions and don't understand that the age old relax and it will happen is just not true for a lot of couples. Online support groups are probably better

Answer

Just about everyone I know, knows I’m doing IVF. I understand why many choose not to talk about it, but I need to. It’s honestly amazing, the amount of support I’ve received from my friends, family, and coworkers. Everyone is genuinely supportive and that makes all the difference. To be honest, it was killing me a little, having people ask when we were going to have another baby. Now that everyone knows we’re having trouble, it’s better.
I’m not ashamed of needing help. I was devastated by my DOR diagnosis in the beginning and a part of me felt like I was broken, but now I know that it’s NOT my fault. I have nothing to be ashamed of because I understand that sometimes, our bodies go against us and there’s only so much we can do about it.
Talking about it has given me a sense of peace. I know I’ll be upset if IVF fails, but I know I’ll be okay in the end, because at least I tried. I’m not stressing about it, which is weird for me, because, usually, I need to feel like I’m in control. So, giving that up is an eye opening experience.

Answer

With my third miscarriage our struggle became more public... it happened late enough that my entire office knew I was expecting, my family knew (his didn’t yet) but most people don’t know we have had three losses. Just this one rather public one. 
I don’t intend to tell anyone of our struggle at this point. No one needs to know we are being tested and exploring other options. Very very few people in anyone in our lives would understand. I tried to talk to my mom, and the discussion lead to her boyfriends daughter that “has been through a lot too” and that started a fight. I am no longer taking her calls.
I thought I had a friend on my side that would support me, I supported her through 4 years of infertility and a miscarriage, I listened to her and let her vent whenever she needed, and now she’s a mama.... but, apparently only her struggle mattered. When I messaged her a few days ago to talk about what I learned from the clinic and the options for my baby’s remains... she read the message, and didn’t message back. And then she finally got back to me today.... and all she did was send me a photo of her baby... didn’t even acknowledge what I said.
So I am very done sharing my struggle with those around me...

Answer

stayed out telling only a few friends...but when it was evident we weren't going to have an easy go of it...I shut down and felt totally alone. I'd rather keep it totally quiet so that I don't have to endure any more comments such as oh well I'll give you some of my eggs I have plenty to my 63 year old mom saying she'll be my surrogate as if. and in order to avoid breaking down and crying every time someone asked I guess people also got the message that I didn't want to talk about it because they quit asking. On one hand you wish you had someone to talk to but on the other hand it's just safer not to. I was really happy to find the glow app so that I at least had an outlet to discuss a few things. but my husband and I decided that if we do the donor egg process we will not tell anyone. I don't want anyone slipping up and telling my child that they are not my biological child. we are starting the donor egg prices now.

Answer

I have a therapist! 😂

Answer

I found the infertility community on Instagram about 5 years into our journey. It's been an incredible outlet, and I've made a lot of really good friends through it. I highly recommend it!

Answer

The only people that know about our struggles are his family. He has low sperm count and I just didn’t want to share his business with my family because they can be incensitive and we just don’t talk about our personal private lives like him and his family do. Occasionally, we talk with his family about it but it’s starting to get to the point where I don’t even want to talk to them about it. His mom asks us when are we going to have a child and to hurry up as if it were up to us. And I feel like they feel sorry for our situation and I don’t want their pity. They don’t understand our struggles none of them suffer with infertility they all have babies left and right and every time we go to family events i see all of their kids like 20 of them and the thoughts of when will I have babies of my own start goin through my head. Most of them don’t even plan for their babies “they happen by accident” and then you have us trying for 5 years and nothing... I vent to my glow community because I don’t want to vent to him a and make him feel bad. I’m extra emotional now because I just started my period another month that I wasn’t able to conceive, it’s so heartbreaking and maybe it’s my hormones getting the best of me because I literally just cried writing this.

Answer

I haven't told anyone except 1 friend. Honestly, we weren't even great friends anymore but she posted something about it and I messaged her. We've talked each other through struggles. She's pen about it and has received a lot of support. I'm very private about things in general. I wish I had more of a support system, but I don't want to put myself out there to everyone. If it works for you, you should do it. I think maybe if and when we ever get pregnant, I'll disclose or struggles.

Answer

I only told close family and good friends and my boss only because I have to take sudden and random days/ times off to go to ultra sounds and IUI or other dr appointments. How do women with jobs go through Infertility treatments? I am finding myself stressed and all anyone tells me is to relax.

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