So my husband and I have been trying to conceive for about 4 months now, before it was a if it happens it happens kinda thing but really grinding the gears these last 4 months so to speak. When we started initially we were both so excited and it all started cause we thought we were pregnant but turns out it was my aunt that was pregnant (she's my age, we grew up together and have been working together for 2 yrs ) so I figured it was just the sympathy symptoms idk. And this is the aunt that has been with hubby for long time. h.s. sweethearts that can be quoted "I never wanna have kids" I know she was just saying that because she thought she couldn't but now of course it's a whole different story she's in love with this gift from God which I can't blame her it's what we all want.. Now she tells me don't do it this isn't what you want are u sure?? barely pregnant and already knows everything. uhm yeah!!!! idgaf if I'm hurling all day looking like shit exhausted I would trade places with her in a heartbeat. it's just insensitive for her to say something like that knowing that we are trying as well. I know I sound so jealous and I'm not gonna lie I am but I'm so happy for her. I feel for her cause she was with me in the struggle and now that she's not she's just being a bitch for a lack of better words. everything is baby talk now. I can't do it anymore I start to tear up. So now her little brother my uncle is expecting with his girl. my cousin just had his baby. All my friends are #2+ and I can't even get a 1?! It's really unfair. everywhere I look it reminds me of babies. I see baby baby baby. as soon as I wake up I have to poas! my hubby is starting to decline his interest he'll make me feel dumb af for taking so many test. he really had to nerve to say if he found another pregnancy test he'll bop me on the head (jokingly of course) but still shit it's my money I'll buy what I want. If I want to stock up for winter I will if i wanna build a house with all the pregnancy test I buy I will. my mom even asked me if there was something we wanted to tell her. I was sick when we went to visit and I saw her face light up. I can't wait till the day I get to have my chance. oh and shortly after this my uncle who had a vasectomy like 10 yrs ago is expecting with wife#4 between me and u he should really get a DNA test but anyway! fml man I just want it so bad. I'm 5'4 and weigh 215 not too bad and they tell me it's a factor but then I see big girls and I mean big girls pregnant no problem like why can't that be me??? my cousin just had twins and the mom is a drug addict and he's mentally ill. and they had twin girls, just beautiful little girls. I'm crying begging God why???? she gave up her kids no problem as soon as they were born she gave up her rights didn't wanna change em soothe em nothing just wanted to know when she could leave and asking for alcohol!!! I wanted to kill her bro. I hear and see these stories on the news about moms hurting and killing their children like why??? give em to me. sorry so long just had to get that out.. one day it'll be my day and I'll just appreciate it all that much more....