Emotionally confused....

So back in 8th grade (I’m 21 now) I pretty much fell in love with my best friend Matt. He never felt the same, but that was ok. He ended up moving away and did I. I was honestly heartbroken. He and I kept in contact on and off for a while. I am now married and I do love my husband. I also “fell in love” with another kid in Jr. High, but looking back on him now, I have no feelings. When I look back on Matt though.... there are still very strong feelings there.... I’ll probably never see him again, so I’m not worried about cheating on my husband. If I did ever get the chance though, I’m scared I would. I really just feel like I am still in love with Matt. I look at all he’s accomplished and I’m so proud of him and he has grown into the most handsome man I’ve ever seen. We haven’t talked in a good long while, his decision. I’ve tried to talk to him to no avail. I’m ok with that, it’s probably best. Now ladies, please don’t tear me apart. I’m honestly really confused and hate myself for this. Maybe I just miss him as a friend? But I’d still like to be with him. I just don’t know why I feel this way still after so long...