God why are you punishing me?

So myself and my wonderful husband have been TTC since last October and have been enjoying the process so far. There have been times when my period was late and we'd test only to find were not pregnant.. Which was a bummer but we'd soon get over it and jump straight back on trying again.                                                

So last week after my period was over a month late we really started to get excited, finally we're on track! Finally something that we've watch ALL our family and friends go through was happening to us! That evening I misscarried. We didn't know how we felt. Sort of upset, very reflective,sad about thinking what could have been. My husband shed some tears and we both dusted our shoulders off and decided to pick ourselves up and try again.   

But I'm angry.. So sooo angry with God. Religion has been a huge huge part of  my life since i was a child (my husband is an atheist and I come from. A religious family of ministers and deacons) I have tried to live a good honest Christian life, I've done everything your "supposed" to do everything your raised to do in the right way.... We  found each other at university, got our degrees, got married, got great jobs, got a house and now we're waiting for the final piece of the puzzle and I don't know what more God wants from me.... What more can I do!? I've watched friends who have had one night stands that have fallen pregnant, drug addicts that have fallen pregnant, evil wicked people that have fallen pregnant..... So why not me God, what have I done to affend you so that I don't deserve this? What more can I do? What more do you want?

Im finding myself becoming a bitter young woman who just can't stand to be around pregnant people and I feel like this whole ordeal is making me second guess something I've believe in my whole life. I'm at a loss and only able to find comfort in my husband at the moment. Maybe I'll soften and find myself able to turn to God again soon, but now I am still just angry.