i don't wanna take a pregnancy test🤧

I hate the feeling of disappointment I been TTC for about two years now I have a 3 year girl I feel like she's very lonely and shes always talking about baby and it makes me so sad that I can't get pregnant for some reason well I am 18 days cycle day 53 I been having irregular periods the past year it's been off and on idky but now I kinda have hope for this cycle I know gods timing is right but I am ready and I'm tired of trying I hope this is it I'm gonna give it 2 more days if never happen than I'm taking a test wish me luck and prayers 💕💕💕