WHAT’S GOING ON? PLEASE HELP

so i’ve been dating my boyfriend for around 10 months, and lately i’ve been conflicting & questioning my feelings for him. i don’t know how to love, i can’t understand my feelings i feel so isolated. i believe the reason for my sense of obliviousness is because of my depression, i had it since i was 12 (18 now). i think i’m mentally exhausted, but i don’t want to leave him. throughout our 10 months together, he never really knew how to handle my depression, i would always be distant but not on purpose. usually when this happens, it’s because of my depression. sometimes he would trigger my depression from his actions! it’s so annoying...he treats me like his friends! i don’t feel special, i told him this multiple times, but it’s his personality to act friendly with everyone. he doesn’t understand me, little things make me sad. most of the things he does, pisses me off and i stop talking to him. i’m so tired of feeling this way, i can’t keep conflicting myself towards him. but if i do leave him, i know i’ll regret it. how does being “in love” feel? i mean i sometimes feel in love with him...(i think) but, i don’t think it’s enough. but i do this thing where i say i don’t “love” the person, but i regret it soon after were over. i’ve noticed it happened a lot in my past relationships....what do i do? how do i fix this? am i acting emotional / dramatic?