Just found out

My husband slept with 2 women while we were separated. I've always asked and he's always denied it until almost 2 weeks ago when I found out he gave me an STD. Now there was no choice but to fess up, but he wouldn't tell me how many. This past Sunday, I found out there were 2 of them. He said he always used a rubber, except one of them started with a rubber and ended without one, which is how we got into this mess. I also found out he f***ed one of them in OUR bed. I'm so beyond hurt and he's remorseful and sorry for his actions, but the damage is done. I still want to work on our marriage, but it's difficult when I close my eyes and see him with someone else, even though it happened 18 months ago. We tried making love this morning and when he started getting physical with me, I just started crying. Will it be like this forever? I crave his touch, but don't want it, all at the same time. I feel like the past 13 years has been nothing to him, while it's been everything to me. His truth is causing me to have horrible thoughts towards myself and I'm being drawn back into self harm, something I haven't done since I was 20. I have started back at therapy, but I wonder if it will be enough this time...