for the people who dont like porn/nudity

does your s.o. watch it? do you fight over it? do you leave it alone?

right now its kinda become this unspoken thing between us. we're engaged and just finally moved in together a few months ago. we set him up an office because hes a gamer/programmer.

a few weeks ago it was pretty late for him to still be in there. so i went to ask when he was coming to bed. and caught him masterbating. he lied and played it off it took me a second to actually see what was really going on. so i left immediately.

background on me...i dont masterbate. i tried when i was young. it didnt work. i dont understand the joy of it. i moved on. i dont watch porn. it makes me extremely uncomfortable. i leave the room or skip scenes if theres nudity on tv. even if im the only one here. no i was never abused. yes, we have a very healthy sex life. and im all for that...just the stuff by myself i never cared about.

so of course i knew he did it...it was just different having to actually see it... when im 2 bedrooms over....more than willing to satisfy him...?

so i left the house. i panicked and took the dog for a long drive. when i came home he was in bed and pretended to be asleep.

we never spoke about it. but i feel the resentment building. every time hes in the office and the door is shut i start thinking about how hes probably doing it again and "whats so wrong with me that he cant walk down the hall for the real thing" and other "woe is me stuff"...

it doesnt help that im pregnant and bloaty and feeling pretty down about myself. i guess i could maybe tell him that part...?(tell how i feel...not that I'm pregnant. of course he already knows im pregnant lol)

we have spoke in the past about it. he deffinately knows how i feel about porn and one time told me hed stop. even though thats what i want him to do, i said i didnt want to be controlling or over demanding and i didnt want him to make that promise. 😒

well now it comes out in little...jabs? they arent bad. and not common. but when i say something i see in his face he knows deep down what i meant by it and i feel so guilty. ive been working harder on not blurting those out.

to give his side a bit, hes 37 and hes pretty used to being on his own... i would say a little stuck in his ways. hes very very sweet. and pretty much the perfect man. he takes care of himself and is a very hard worker. hes very reasonable. also hes done all the research(on his own...way before we were even together) on masterbation and porn and knows exeactly how it effects him(and me) later with sex. so he has already limited himself drastically. so hes not doing it every night or anything, it would have to be pretty rare...

so my question to anyone with a similar situation or feelings is how do/did you handle this? did he stop for you? does it really matter? am i just being overly dramatic?

if your advice is simply just to talk to him please also tell me what to say...thats mostly whats been stopping me. we're normally very open with each other. im just stuck on whether i should ask him to stop? but im afraid thats over the top..? .....what do you think?

UPDATE!!:

Thank you to everyone for sharing their opinions. it really has helpped me. id like to also thank you for being genuinely kind about how you said it. there were no rude comments and that has made this experience awesome. i was a little nervous to do my first post but your support has really helped.

as far as i know, hes not weirded out by me being pregnant. but im early on. almost 9 weeks. so most of it is just bloat and some weight gain right now. but i will keep that in mind if our sex starts going down as i start to show.

to the lady that said its too controlling to say how he can touch himself...i never thought about it as that way. i saw it as asking him to respect me. it was all about me. so thank you for that new perspective. id like to blame pregnancy for being touchy but honestly I was like this before the baby.

to the lady suggesting making our own porn...we actually did that a while ago. and i remember he did say he used that a long time ago...and i did like that. but it was so long ago i never thought about problem solving like that. thats a wonderful idea.

to everyone else, thank you for the kind words and thoughts. we align in every other possible perspective. our morals and general way of life. this really is the ONLY thing we view differently.

so i think my plan of action is to try making our own stuff. tell him id prefer he use that (and just hope that goes over well and he uses it...not that id ever really know) and ask that he does it while im not home so i can be as disconnected from it as possible. i think youre right that i wont be able to take it personally if i set it up like that. and i dont want to be crazy controlling...

again, thank you everyone for all your help. ill try to update after ive spoken to him about this. 💞💕