I’ve been talking to a guy since last year. He’d stepped in to be supportive when he found out my dad has cancer because his mom had died a couple years ago from breast cancer.

We from the time he woke up until one of us fell asleep everyday, he’d call me on long drives. We’d watch movies & series together on rabb.it. Our first time on there was 6 hours of us just talking.

We were incredibly mutually supportive; I was his confidant. His friends all knew about me because he talked about me so much. I never felt more comfortable and open with someone

Things got romantic/sexual, and I was very clear about my feelings. He went into detail about his. We certainly seemed to be on the same page

We talked about meeting. He decided to buy a plane ticket to see me, see if we’d work in real life. He wanted to before he left for Korea for a year.

And something felt off when he got here.

He didn’t make eye contact with me on the first night. I had booked a hotel just in case he didn’t feel comfortable with me being there, but he said it was fine when I asked. We cuddled every night.

He looked at his phone more than at me. He didn’t hug me until the second day.

I tried to test if he’d let me hold his hand or arm, said “I’m just going to be obnoxious real quick” and he said I could be as much as I wanted

But it felt like he didn’t want to, and I let him slip out of my grip after a minute or two.

He held me so close at night but everything felt odd. I tried to say something, ask if I made him uncomfortable. He said he was just tired. Tried to ask what was wrong but he handwaved most of it

On the last morning, we were lying in bed hitting snooze over and over. I’d been awake for while but was feeling anxious about the day so I didn’t move. Our faces were close for a long while, but after all that happened I wasn’t going to make a move.

The last time the alarm sounded, he kissed me for the first time before turning to shut it off. And kissed me again after. It escalated pretty quickly to me resting on top of him with his hands on my ass. I could feel him too.

But we only had 10 minutes left until checkout so we reluctantly stopped.

He still acted distant through the morning after. I couldn’t tell if I was being paranoid; he had good enough excuses. But I felt unwanted and odd.

I asked him if he still wanted me to visit him in korea, he said yes. Said I was always welcome to visit him anywhere. Promised he’d come back to visit me.

He kissed me before I drove him to the airport. And again before he got out of my car. I tried to focus on the fun parts of us being together but I couldn’t stop thinking about it

Over the next two weeks, things got very hard for me at home, and suddenly we were barely talking. He was busy, but also definitely ignoring me.

I thought I must have been ugly in real life, or so awful he decided he was interested in me anymore, I fucked up, I ruined everything.

I randomly checked Snapchat, which I don’t do often. He told me he had driven two hours away for something to do with his degree, but there was a photo of a very pretty girl he was having lunch with

I didn’t send anything crazy

But he ignored me all day until finally at 11pm he told me who she was.

The girl he started seeing

I called

Apparently he started seeing her after he bought the ticket, just before he came to visit. Even though he spent the whole damn year telling me he wouldn’t be dating anyone because he wouldn’t want a relationship when he’s out of the country for a year, they had gotten “serious”

And he was ignoring me

And he had hidden every picture with me or reference to his trip from all his social media

Claimed it wasn’t me. He’s attracted to me, still wants me to visit, I’m so important to him, still wants to do all the things we did, doesn’t regret coming, promises to talk like he did again, he “didn’t want to hurt anyone,” he apologized for not telling the truth.

Said they have “an understanding” that it’s only until he leaves. But they’re “playing it by ear”

Said he’d come back, said I could still go see him, said he’s buying me a birthday present. I’m just lost and hurt and confused and betrayed how he’d throw out everything he said for someone he just met. After all the ways he made me feel like we were close and connected and I meant something to him

He talked about after, about if we could close the distance

He’s just “at a point in his life where he doesn’t want hookups anymore.” Invalidated everything

I feel empty

I feel I lost my biggest source of support

“Our relationship has layers. We just can’t do the sexual part right now”

I’m so lost on what I’m supposed to do