I have been experiencing the most excruciating pain I’ve ever had in my life since yesterday morning. The bleeding didn’t subside so I had to go straight in to see my doctor this morning.. I always knew, the tiniest bit, that a miscarriage was possible with my condition but with having my happy and healthy baby girl 8 years ago, I never honestly let that thought in again. This has all put me in a place of shock, horror and devastation. This sweet baby was my husband’s first child. He loves my daughter to pieces but has always wanted one with his own blood. I can’t blame him. He was elated to find out that we were FINALLY pregnant, but it didn’t start well from the beginning. Bumps and hurdles to go over and through so damn early and I just knew.. I knew something wasn’t right. I guess a mother truly always knows. I can’t truly mourn and vent to him all the way right now. I can’t help but think that it was my fault.. I know it’s almost a 99% chromosomal issue, but who truly doesn’t have some tiny part of them thinking it’s their fault. It’s a child for goodness sake.. We are suppose to love and keep them safe.. I don’t feel like I succeeded in the latter. I lost my child.. I lost Declan or Lillabeth..