Sneaky beater

Okay, something is really bothering me.

I have woken up NUMEROUS times to my bed shaking only to wake in a fog and realize my husband is watching porn master bating ! Sometimes after we watch a movie and I fall asleep I wake to movement and he has porn on. I never know if he’s trying to wake me up or just in need. But why would you not just roll over and initiate something verses beating off?! 😤

I’m so sick to my stomach about this. I have approached him before and he denies it ! Does he think of these women doing things to him when we have sex, does he need help or is he just that damn horny and only cares about himself so he doesn’t ask me to join. Our sex life is weak and we are both are fault. Any suggestions or comfort anyone can give that I’m not crazy for being upset about this? I just feel he wants me to be someone he sees in the movies and I’m truly NOT!