Long story short, I was in a relationship with this guy for about two years. He started off really sweet and kind then he slowly began to do things I didn’t like. He would try to guilt me into doing sexual favors or force them. He told me fake stories about how troubled his family was (he admitted they were fake after we broke up). I ended up feeling bad for him. He started to purposely watch porn (he knew I didn’t like it) and talk about these other girls in front of me. He made me feel like I was nothing compared to them. I soon began to become jealous. We would argue and it would lead to him hitting or slapping me. He would then cry so I’d feel bad and forgive him. I soon began to become emotionally abusive and didn’t want him to have anything to do with any other girl. He would purposely begin arguments in front of other people so I would yell at him in front of everyone. Then when we were in private, he would start choking me as soon as I started yelling. I never hit him and I only scratched him when he asked for it (due to some sexual fetish he supposedly had) then used those scratches to prove how abusive I was to his friends. Everyone began to hate me and call me a liar when I’d try to tell the truth. He would force me to give him blowjobs even when I was crying and saying no. These type of things led on for the whole two years as they gradually got worse. He broke up with me and I begged for him to come back because I was so broken and lost without him and he called me the abuser and him the victim. Everybody still hates me and denies my claims that he hit me (even with evidence). This is the first and last relationship I’ve ever been in where I was emotionally abusive and it began after he started cheating on me in the third month of our relationship. He began choking/slapping me in the second month. Sorry if none of this makes sense but I’m just completely lost.

Sorry for the rambling but I just want to understand if I’m the abuser and if I deserved all of this like people have told me. I have anxiety and depression due to this relationship. Do I even have the right to say that I was abused because I too was emotionally abusive? This question has been killing me inside and I don’t know if I’m even a victim. Please help me understand the situation. Do I even have the right to complain or be apart of this group?....

Update: Thank you to those who responded. I feel a lot better knowing that I’m not alone. I can finally understand how terrible the situation truly was. I am currently working on bettering myself and my situation. Instagram just recommended that I follow him and it just led to a lot of pain seeing his face again. This is going to be a difficult journey but I know I can do it. Thank you once again and I wish the best of luck for everyone going through this too.