Are White Lies Bad?

Question

Here’s the backstory: my boyfriend and I were going thru a very tough spot about 5 months ago and we took a break. It was his choice. To me, a break is essentially a breakup or an excuse. I would rather stay together and work on it so when he left I assumed we were over. I met a guy and had sex with him a few times... it was just a fling. My boyfriend and I weeks later worked it out and got back together.
One night he was talking about how much he loved me and that I had never been with anyone else..  I felt kind of guilty and told him I had had sex while we were on the break. He lost. His. Fucking. Mind. Throwing questions at me and being very hurtful. I ended up saying that we had sex one time, I lied about where I met him and who he was.. all to calm him down and also because I didn’t feel it was necessary for him to know all the details. It’s over and I’m not doing it again so why does he have to know? He’s the one who broke things off, not me. 
Am I in the wrong for not telling him the entire truth? I feel guilty and wish I could go back and change it but I can’t. I felt a white lie is okay since it’s in the past and not happening again. He’s the type of guy who would hunt this guy down and I’m sure he’s tried looking for him. That’s not fair to the other guy either.
EDIT:
Maybe I should be a little more clear with the details...
One of the first things he told me when he was yelling at me was, “I’m going to find this fucker and beat the shit out of him.” This incident/break happened months ago and he still gets drunk and angry about it- usually trying to get more details so he can hunt this guy down. I lied about the guy and who/where he is. 
I truly feel terrible I hurt him this way but his cruelty is uncalled for. We weren’t together and I would never cheat on him if we were. 
He has also told me many white lies over the years because he “doesn’t want to hurt me.” If he can do it and expect me to be okay with that, why can’t I expect the same of him?

Answer

I personally don’t see an issue with sleeping with someone when broken up and I feel it is your choice on if you were to share that at all let alone how many details.

Answer

To be honest, it’s a normal response when you fear being shamed or harmed (yourself or others). I think his reaction was extremely unhealthy and I’d be scared into lying too. I think you should reconsider the relationship.

Answer

lies are bad white lies are lies. lies are lies. lying is wrong. there.

Answer

I think his reaction is what’s really serious here. You probably did the right thing in the moment but ultimately you may want to reconsider your relationship with him. I mean, there’s a good chance he may never find out but this could be a sign if he gets angry about something in the future, he will react with violence

Answer

lying causes bigger problems in the long run. You should've been up front and straight about what happened and worked together to move past it. Everything that is done in the dark eventually come to light, if he finds out the truth it'll worst than it would've been if you told him the entire truth the first time.

Answer

White lies are still lies, and honestly is vital to a helathy relationship.

Answer

My fiancé and I once broke up over long distance. When we got back together we talked about what had happened while we were apart. He’d slept with a few other girls and had a very casual relationship with one. If he’d hidden that from me it would’ve broke me in the end and we wouldn’t still be together 5 years later. I would’ve found out about it some other way and that would’ve hurt. I understood that we weren’t together at that time, but honesty is important to me and hiding things is wrong in a relationship and just ends up hurting the other person. 
I’ve told my fiancé white lies in the past. But they were along the lines of lying so he wouldn’t know what I’d bought him for Christmas or about liking the earrings he gave me for my birthday. That’s the only kind of white lie I think is ever ok.

Answer

I think it’s understandable for him to be hurt; but it was his idea to take a break. So if you weren’t together, you had every right to do as you pleased. He can’t yell at you for that, or get mad. Can he be hurt? Of course. He obviously cares about you. But he has to deal with It. I’m not a big fan of lying, even if it is a small white lie. I think eventually when he calms down you should tell him the truth.

Answer

I don't see an issue with it honestly. Yes a lie is a lie but, you can't go back and tell him now, he will lose his mind again and you guys weren't even together.

Answer

I personally don’t believe a white lie has any future harmful effects. Things like (I can’t really think of a good one right now but I hope you get the point)  ‘oh I’m heading out the door now!’ When you’re still fixing your hair or whatever. Being 3 minutes late will generally go unnoticed/wont matter/ect. 
An actual lie triggers future lies, effects you or the other person, can cause damage of some sort, ect. Lying about who you had sex with is already causing you harm (you worrying), it has the potential to trigger future lies (what if he asks again who the guy was in a year and you have to lie again) can cause damage to the relationship if he found out that you lied (he’ll lose trust, ect), you get the point. 
A white lie is said, forgotten, and life goes on. An actual lie is a potential ‘hazard’ for the future.
So no, white lies aren’t normally bad, in my opinion. But what you didn’t wasn’t a little white lie. You straight up lied and it could have a negative effect now

Are White Lies Bad?

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