Too much

I'm sitting here, 1 dpo. I'm thinking too much. I definitely want a baby, but in not getting my hopes up. It'll happen when it happens. I'm truly ok with that. However, as I sit here, I think back to February. It was 2 days before my period. I took a pregnancy test. I saw a line. It was faint. So faint, but it was there. I took so many pregnancy tests the next week; trying to see the line, hoping it would get darker. It didn't. Over the next week, the line got lighter and lighter until it vanished.

I've been in denial about my chemical pregnancy for months. I kept thinking to myself "No. I wasn't pregnant. The tests were faulty." I deleted all of the pictures of the pregnancy tests. I tried to forget about it. I did forget... until this week. I had posted the pictures on here to get opinions on the tests. I screenshotted them from my profile on here. I've been staring at them for hours. I thought to myself "I was pregnant. There is no way that all of those tests were faulty." I posted some pictures down below.

I was pregnant. There were lines on those tests. I miscarried my son in April of 2012 and I had a chemical pregnancy in February of 2018. I will get my rainbow. It may not be this month. Or next month. But it will happen. It will happen for you, too.

These are my positive pregnancy tests. They might not look positive to you, but I know I see lines in all of them. This is all I have to remind me of this baby.