Here’s what I posted on Facebook:

5 days ago I shared with you the best news of our lives. Today I share with you the worst: we lost our baby.

Nearly 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. I knew this statistic when I decided to share our good news. I also knew that meant I would have to share our bad news if it came to that. To be honest, that decision seemed a lot easier when I didn’t think I’d ever have to share bad news.

5 days ago is when most of you found out we were having a baby. For us, it started much earlier. David and I have always wanted kids, but we also wanted adventures. About a year ago we decided we were ready (almost) and made a plan for when we would start trying. About 3 months ago we began trying to get pregnant. Trying really hard. I wanted this baby so badly I did everything possible to help it happen: acupuncture, ovulation tests, vitamins, diet change, and much more.

When we got that positive test 6 weeks ago, it was the happiest moment of both our lives. We spent the next 6 weeks constantly thinking about Baby. Every decision we made came back to Baby. Our lives were already so completely changed by this one tiny being.

We were so thrilled that we decided to share with all of you. At that point I had already had 2 healthy ultrasounds that showed baby growing and it’s heart beating. They say that after seeing a heartbeat, the risk of miscarriage goes down to 5%.

So we shared. About 1 hour later I began spotting. It seemed like nothing to worry about at first, but then it got worse. Before even seeing my doctor, I already knew baby was gone. When we went in, there was no heartbeat. Baby had stopped growing about a full week earlier. All of a sudden our whole future was changed. Everything we thought our lives would be in the next year (and beyond), was gone.

I was scheduled for a D&C; (a surgery to remove Baby) 2 days later. The night before the surgery I began miscarrying naturally and it was the scariest and most painful experience of my life. When we went to the hospital the doctor said my uterus was almost empty, but she still thought we should go ahead with the surgery to make sure everything was out. The surgery was scary, but much less painful than the natural miscarry.

Now it’s time to heal. David and I are doing ok. Although we are both completely heartbroken, we also know that this happened because baby was unhealthy. Billions of cell divisions have to go correctly to make a healthy baby, and ours just didn’t go correctly.

So, what can you do? The biggest reason I wanted to share our story is to show you how much happens that people don’t talk about. What I want you to get from this is: Be sensitive.

It’s so hard to make a baby. For the average healthy, young couple it takes 6 months to get pregnant. That’s 6 months of let downs, fear, hope, loss of hope, and pain. Then, 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage.

So when things like this are said (all real things that have been said to me by the way):

- “Are you pregnant?”

- “When are you going to have a baby?”

- “I hope I live long enough to see you have a baby.”

- “It’s about time you’re pregnant!”

- “Why aren’t you drinking? Are you pregnant?!”

- Or not saying anything but staring at my stomach and giving me side eye.

Realize that although you may be asking what you think is an innocent question, it could be filled with pain. Realize that it’s not an innocent question, it’s an extremely personal and emotional question. Be sensitive.