I just wanted to share these because the message I want to share with them could help someone out there.

I’ve been a “bigger” girl all my life. Not just curvy but also I’m almost 6ft tall so I’ve always felt a bit out of place and like I needed to take up less space. Typically I’m told I “wear my weight well” because pre-pregnancy I weighed almost 240 pounds but you’d never know.

I got sick 5 weeks into being pregnant. I found out I had hyperemesis and it took almost two months for the doctors to get me on a medication that helped me not throw up 15-20 times a day. (Not exaggerating)

So when I lost 20 pounds in the beginning of my pregnancy, I was concerned, but the part of me that struggled with not wanting to gain weight was strangely happy about it. And I felt so much guilt for that.

Fast forward to about 32 weeks, I gained it all back and then some, to the point where my midwife said “I’m not concerned about anything with this pregnancy except for how much weight you’ve gained.”

I immediately started bawling right there in her office. I felt so guilty, overwhelmed and just plain hopeless. I was up to almost 285 at this point and I just didn’t even know how it happened. We’re not fast food eaters, I don’t drink soda.. How. Could. This. Happen.

So I started freaking out and crazy monitoring what I was eating and my weight gain and all of it. But I felt so worthless. Like it was all my fault and I was putting risk on my heart and my delivery and worst of all my sweet baby girl.

At this point I felt so sick of it all that I didn’t even want to take maternity photos. I doubted if I even should. The deepest inner parts of me that struggled with an eating disorder in college said “You look awful. Nothing about you is beautiful right now. Why would you want to document this?”

If you’ve ever had that feeling or that inner voice, please trust me when I tell you: SHUT IT DOWN. You have the power over it. You are more than beautiful and worthy. You deserve to document every second of your journey just as much as a thinner woman does. Your pregnancy is every bit as beautiful and every bit as valuable as hers.

I’m so glad I chose to get these photos taken to remember my first pregnancy. This pregnancy has been agonizingly painful in more ways than one; several hospital trips, weeks on end in bed, physical therapy, etc. But here I sit at 36 weeks in awe of what my body has created and what it has brought me through. And that’s the important part.

30 days till we get to meet our sweet little Lucy Denver, and I can not wait.

30+1 💕💕💕

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