I know this sounds hella dumb and simple but you have to understand that I spent my whole life despising religion. Not just Christianity but every and all religions.

One half of my family was Jewish, the other Christian and some Buddhist (explanation: Im white(ish??)/ and like only my grandmothers side was Japanese) Religion was something that was taken so seriously. When I’d visit my grandparents I’d be forced into synagogues for hours of boring worship and lectures on what the Torah means to us, or into closets where my grandmother would light candles and make me meditate while rubbing beads together (idek why). I was also occasionally forced to go through bible studies, and attend Sunday church, etc. I’d also hated people that surrounded these religions. They seemed too obsessed, and followed so blindly, that I felt it couldn’t be take seriously. I also felt there was A LOT of hypocrisy in all these religions, like people only wanted to follow the words but not actually strive to be better themselves (if that makes sense??)

With this upbringing, I turned to nothing and just decided to hate anything affiliated with religion, until now. As a 20 year old I’m facing a lot of weird life stuff of figuring out my place and space. I’m searching for where I come from, where I’ll be when I die, why do I still pray before I get on planes, or why do I catch myself almost buying “The Great Hebrew Bible” every time I pass it in Barnes and Noble??

So weirdly enough, on my way to the farmers market I saw a church, and without thinking I waltzed right in. I didn’t know what I wanted or what exactly I expected but I walked in and looked around. I watched a few priests talk to nobody, and I flipped through a bible, looked at how children envision Jesus in paintings on the wall, and walked back out.

A few days later I took a taxi to the other side of town, and without really processing it, went to a synagogue. Inside I did the same thing, I just walked around and watched the rabbi and looked at the posters on the wall.

I don’t know what I’m looking for exactly, but I want to know more about all these things I’ve grown to hate. I’m suddenly in need of answers and something to believe in, and I don’t know what it is. I plan to go back maybe?? Idk?

This isn’t groundbreaking, I just needed to get it out!! Thank you 💖💖💖

Any One ??

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