So I was pretty set on only having 2 kids while I was pregnant with my second. Now she’s a year old (and my oldest turns 5 this week) and me and the hubby are starting to think baby number 3 is a future possibility.

Something that has pushed me in the direction of a third is in May my 48 year old Aunt (who was like a second mother to me) passed away suddenly. It was a very traumatic situation because I’m the one who found her, and she’s been a part of my entire life, my daughters lives, and I don’t have a single memory without her in it. She had a pulmonary embolism due to blood clots from her rheumatoid arthritis medication. Well one of our last conversations was actually pretty weird.. she told me she wanted me to have a third baby. And I was taken back because she had never said it before. Literally this was 2 weeks before she passed. She also said “don’t you want a little boy”... I have 2 daughters, and was hoping to have a boy with my second.. so now thinking back, was she giving me some sort of sign? That maybe I should have a third and it will be my boy?

Also, my mom & husband have both mentioned a third would be fun. Losing my Aunt was the biggest devastating blow to our family. We are a small family and she was a major chunk of it. All of our future plans involved my Aunt being apart of it. So things are just kind of somber and at a stand still. But for some reason I just can’t shake that last convo I had with her. Almost like she knew I needed to have a third.. not to replace her or anything .. but to not leave it as just the two girls.

My only hesitations are being pregnant again (because I’m honestly not a fan of pregnancy.. both of mine were super hard on my body. Was super sick for the first half of both. And I’m pretty short so the weight on my pelvic bones and back was so bad I could barely get up or walk the last month of pregnancy.) So it’s scary to think I have to do another 9 months of that plus gave birth AGAIN. I’m also kinda worried about having another girl... I always pictured myself ending up with boys and was shocked to have 2 girls. Which I’m 100% happy to have and in love with my dolls. I would just be so scared to have 3 teenage girls at once one day lol! Also, I’m scared about any risks. I’ve had 2 perfectly healthy beautiful little girls with no issues whatsoever. What if me having a third is pushing my limit? I’m gonna be turning 30 next year and don’t want to keep starting over while in my 30s, and I’d like my second and third to be closer in age (since my first 2 are 4 years apart).. so that means I’m kind of on a time limit. So if I want to make this decision I need to make it soon.

What are your thoughts? Anyone with 3 kids have similar thoughts? Am I thinking too much into it? Do I seem not ready for a third? Do you think my Aunts last convo with me is a sign? Was pregnancy in your 30s much harder? Was your third pregnancy harder or easier?

Thank you!