Hello all,

TLDR; I keep coming back to wanting to adopt a child rather than have my own, but I also don’t want to regret not having my own.

I’ve been a step parent for 4 years and my step daughter and I are very close, and I feel blessed.

I always wanted to be a parent and am grateful to be one now. I still find myself wanting my own, but I feel nervous at the thought of bringing someone into this world who has to deal with all of the pain and distress, and possibly mental illnesses as well as the reality of life and death. I feel like I would be selfish to do so, but I would want my child to be empowered to live their life.

I’m also terrified of child birth. I know that I would have a C-Section but that scares me too. I’m afraid of the pain and postpartum depression.

Which brings me to want to adopt a baby. But I’m nervous about regretting not having my own child. That and the cost of adopting, the possible hereditary issues that could come up that would be surprising. And also the pain of maybe not being matched up with a baby for years.

My step daughter asks for a sibling and she keeps growing up, she’ll be 10 next year and I want to give her a sibling, but I also want to be able to be a good parent, don’t know if I ever will...

Anyway, I know this is long and that clearly there will be at least a year before I have a baby in my life, but I keep getting caught up in these thoughts and wanted to know more.

Thank you for reading and I appreciate your support.