I hated being pregnant. *Update*


I had always imagined being pregnant as a wonderful, magical journey.

I found out when I was 4 weeks along. I was excited until I started getting morning sickness at 6 weeks.

I hated that by 8 weeks, I was throwing up all day, every day. I hated that I couldn't even take a sip of water without it coming back up in a matter of minutes.

I hated being suddenly tired all the time.

I hated that a flight of stairs wore me the f*ck out.

I hated being hungry all the time. I hated feeling like I was pigging out.

I hated that look everyone gave me if I WASN'T hungry. If I'd just eaten before going out, and then friends would offer to stop somewhere, "No, thanks. I'm okay. I just ate." And then I'd get the eyeroll and "Come on. Eat. You're pregnant." I didn't get a choice anymore.

I hated my rapidly changing food swings. One week peanut butter, the next oreos, the next broccoli.

I hated the weight gain. I'd lost a significant amount of weight just a few years ago, now I was gaining like 10 lbs every prenatal appointment. I had to get rid of my access to a bathroom scale.

I hated my mood swings, suddenly getting angry at hubby- he was just trying to help.

I hated the leg pains. I was suddenly carrying around extra weight.

After a while, it hurt to get kicked in the rib, same spot, every day, all day.

I hated going to the bathroom a million times a day.

I hated that it was taking forever to get a cute little bump. I just looked chubby. I didn't actually start to look pregnant until 24 weeks.

I couldn't sleep anymore. I had to start taking unisom just to fall asleep.

I hated the constant back ache. I couldn't get comfortable anymore.

I hated that every other pregnant woman seemed to have slipped seamlessly into the "mom role", while I was just kind of floundering, afraid that I'd never really feel "connected" to my baby. Terrified that I'd be a terrible mom, and my poor baby would suffer because of my faults.

But what I hate the most?

It ended too quickly.

I went into labor at 29 weeks. (28w6d). I gave birth to a beautiful little girl. She's in the NICU. I wished I were still pregnant, as opposed to seeing her with wires and tubes in her isolette, unable to touch or hold her. I wish I could've taken her home with me. I hated leaving her at the hospital. I'd happily get kicked in the rib all day every day for the next 11 weeks if it meant she went home with me. But it's like my little girl was ready to come out to the world- she was done being inside, too. 24 hours after birth, she was off the breathing tube. Then she was at room air. 2 days later, they traded the CPAP for a simple cannula. By a week old, she was off all oxygen and breathing apparatuses. There were no red flags- shes doing great! A week after her birth, I got to hold her for the first time. And I never wanted to let go.

I'm now 8 days postpartum. This little 2 lb, 7 ounce rockstar is showing me a strength I never knew I had. Maybe being pregnant wasn't so bad. It gave me the strongest, most amazing little being, with the most amazing little personality. And when I look at my baby, I know everything is going to be okay.

Update 7/31: Wow, I didn't expect this to hit home with so many people! Thank you so much for everyone's support!

For those that are TTC and those that are currently pregnant, I am praying. I'm praying for your healthy babies that get to carry to full term. For those that are pregnant, and those that have already been pregnant, I am praying for you also, as well i admire your strength.

My pregnancy was a bit unexpected, but I'm so thankful for the experience. My daughter is now just over 2 weeks old and she is doing well. We've had some ups and downs, and she's back on the CPAP. But she is a fighter, and I'm so thankful to have her.