This is kind of long, I just can’t talk to anyone. My mom doesn’t really understand medication, she understands anxiety but thinks any medication prescribed will help and my boyfriend doesn’t want me on anything even potentially addictive. I have bipolar disorder, I was recently diagnosed but I’ve been on mood stabilizers since I was 13. I’m terrified of sleeping, every night when I sleep I will wake up at the same time 3 am with panic attacks (when I have panic attacks I pass out most times and otherwise have to be transported at to the hospital to be sedated) the problem is, I can’t always just go to the hospital because they’ll assume I’m just trying to get drugs. If I’m in my manic state I literally sleep about four hours within two days and have so much energy. I’m also terrified of throwing up, I have a lot of gastric problems and anxiety makes it so much worse. My point is with being afraid of sleeping and throwing up, life isn’t too easy. I feel nauseous pretty often. I’ve gotten medication for nausea, sometimes it works other times it doesn’t. I’ve tried about 7 plus medications for my disorder and nothing seems to work, except clonazepam, but my doctor only prescribed it for four weeks because of it being potentially addictive. He’s always been worried about my disorder and has had many tests done but he is worried about how vulnerable I will be to the medication and feels I have a high chance of addiction. I’ve tried smoking weed and it makes me have panic attacks. I have access to buying Xanax and I’m honestly so tempted because I’m at a complete loss. I stopped seeing my psychiatrist because nothing he was prescribing helped. I’ve always been in counseling since I was 13. Literally nothing has worked