I’ve lost it. I’ve lost my hope

After a traumatic miscarriage and a year of trying since then, I’ve finally lost my glimmer of hope I had left. I know a year isn’t that long to a lot of you, so please tell me how you keep your faith? I want to, but I’m crushed every month and now I feel I have nothing left.

Everyone surrounding me has fallen pregnant on their first try or by accident recently. Which is excruciating, seeing their bumps and updates. I’m a firm believer in everything happens for a reason and exactly when it’s supposed too. But I’m struggling to have faith in the bigger picture anymore. What have we done, why can’t we have our rainbow? Why are we being punished?