Do you ever stay up at night wondering if anyone in this cruel world loved you? Do you ever contemplate killing yourself because you feel that there is no other possible solution to end your sadness? You just want someone to love you and you feel that no one, not even your parents do? Well for starters I feel this way all of the time.

I’ve never been good at expressing my feelings. I’ve never fully opened up to anyone before. The only time I express my feelings is in my writings and I feel that I need to talk about it especially with everything that I’m going through. Sometimes I come to the conclusion of being unloveable. The definition of unloveable states that one is not loveable which indicates why some people turn to suicide. This isn’t bullshit its facts. Every single person who is suppose to love me in this entire world either doesn’t love me at all or doesn’t love me the way that they should. I’m sick and tired of always feeling like the “other child”, the second choice for everything, and the disappointment. I’m constantly mistreated and I don’t deserve it, I don’t deserve this. This life that I have is far from perfect, its far from even decent. I know that I wasn’t meant to be here I know that I wasn’t meant to be alive. I don’t want to be alive because what’s the point of living if all the happens is me Repeatedly getting hurt by the people who are supposed to love me most in life? The people who are suppose to be my family hurt me and tear me down into believing that I’m completely worthless and useless. I’m not pretty enough for the boys or funny enough to hang with the girls. I’m shy and sad but no body knows because I keep all this shit inside. Until I exploded. All of the years of hate that I had kept deep down inside my body poured out of me like word vomit. I have to understand that I’m unloveable. But what I don’t understand is why God put me here in a place where I’m hurting. God can’t you please answer my prayers and take me away from this terrible place. I don’t want to live if I’m such a disgrace.