Feeling bummed and jealous

This may be a bit long

So my really close friend and I were trying to get pregnant together in March. Well I got pregnant but it took another month for her but so did she! We were SO excited! Of course then came my heartache and loss, she is still pregnant and is now almost 15 weeks. She continues to enjoy her experience and celebrate....I am SO excited for her I really am, this is her first baby and she should be! We struggled for the first month after my loss, we weren’t communicating well, things felt awkward...she didn’t know what to say or not to say and I didn’t know what to talk about becuz I wasn’t ready for baby talk. Well we had a heart to heart and seems to be in a good place. Today she had her gender reveal (she lives in another state so I wasn’t there). They wanted a boy so bad and I wanted them to have a boy too, I have a 4yr old son and really would love a girl. Well turns out its a girl. They are still happy of course, and I am just shocked! And kinda bummed out honestly. Not only am I already jealous becuz she gets to continue without me but now she is having a little girl 😔 I truly hate feeling this way and I wish I didn’t!

The fact that my body is still confusing me only makes me that much more sad and annoyed. I’m just ready to ttc again.

Sorry this is so long, I needed to vent somewhere