so some background knowledge, i am 16 and I have always had some anxiety and depression and have always cried at the drop of a pin, but this week is worse, a lot worse. long story short, I was on vacation in Texas for a week and I was crying every morning for being anxious, no idea why, and I feel like it has somethting to do with my boyfriend and I think it is because I missed him. he is my first boyfriend, and I see him every other week. I was excited to be home so I could call him, and his friend he hadn't seen in a year came online so I let him go talk to him. then I had a mental breakdown because I was like "I must be emotionally dependant on him" because I got really anxious not talking to him for a while. he is supportive of me when I come up front about how I was anxious and told him, in general I would like to talk more he could probably go a week without talking to me. after we talked, I felt worse. he said "I don't want to be your only source of happiness" which totally reasonable and but I ended up feeling way worse of course, he still said he loved me and my presence, but Idk. after that I was REALLY crying, I thought he hated me for telling him how I am amxious and the next day I coudlnt take it because I couldn't stop crying and I was having nonstop dread and anxiety in me for days, and I needed to get rid of it somehow so I called him crying we spent the day Calling while he played a video game, later we watched stuff over d something together (through a thing like Skype, but it is called discord). so, you would figure I would feel better,i did, but for some reason I was still anxious. yesterday I talked to him and our friends over discord and we all played our own games and did whatever, I felt anxious still. now today. I woke up. felt anxious the second I opened my eyes and all day I have been crying and I can't stop. I keep thinking I want to kill myself, I feel weak, and I really shouldn't I don't get it. he is on my mind when I start to feel anxious ? But I don't know if it is him or if just at the same time my anxiety and depression decided to kick up and I just don't know. but I don't know how to make it stop. I feel like what if it is him making me feel like this even though he isn't doing anything wrong, or if it is just me because at this point I really don't know. I want these feelings to go away. it just started a week ago?? No matter who I talk to I just don't know how to feel better I'm so confused I just want to stop crying and feeling tugging in my stomach all day with feelings that I should kill myself and I live him. I think I do!!! I don't want it to be our relationship giving me this stress buy I feel like if when I think of him this happens, I might be avoiding ut?? yet I've already asked things of him. but i have also lost interest in most things u have always loved for many years and it's leaving me feel nothing, iOS probably because I need things to do, so I am worried about him all the time. I plan to get a job soon, maybe that will help. I just want to stop feeling this way and I want to want to wake up and feel like there is more to life than a job and dying. I was supposed to go to a therapist a long time ago but I decided not to with my mom because I started to feel better, and now I want to go to one again and maybe I even need Zoloft, but what if this is just temporary. I'm scared of that.l too? this is everywhere LOL I just don't really know what to do. I keep screaming help in my head.