Here’s the backstory:

June 20, 2015 I got married. I found out I was pregnant about 3 weeks before he wedding, I was a few months along by the time I found out. We went to Hawaii for our honeymoon for a week, returned home the 27th. Monday June 29, 2015 my great grandma passed away. Monday July 6, 2015 (a week later) I miscarried at 13 weeks, it took 4 days for the contractions to start and 7 hours to pass the sac/fetal remains. Monday July 13, 2015 my grandpa passed away. I was close to my grandpa as a child.

For years after he passed I would catch glimpses of “him”. I’d catch a glimpse even when no one was there or if the person looked completely different. Then one evening I had a dream about my child. It was a boy, I wanted a girl but felt it was a boy... He was maybe 5 years old at this point, I was laying on the ground of my new apartment crying. He touched my head and said “it’s not your fault, mommy”. I woke up immediately after and cried.

To this day when I see a picture of my grandpa I cry. I can’t talk about him without crying and my heart still hurts. It occasionally happens when thinking of my pregnancy but I am able to talk about it. Do I just have complicated grief because it was too much at once? What do I do? I’ve spoken with a counselor before but that didn’t help. I also meditate often and have “talks” with my goddess when I feel I need her strength. I’m tired of feeling this way, please help me.