Crybaby

I cry more than that what research says is average, especially now. I’ve been in an odd relationship for five years and it’s finally over. There were so many times I prayed for it to end because I wasn’t happy inside it much of the time. But now he’s met someone and I’m losing my mind. I can literally cry for hours. I started therapy before the official end because upon finding out how Anthony Bourdain died I cried for 6 hours straight

I scared myself with the length of time and with self harm ideation and suicidal thoughts. While in the relationship he was the one suffering with depression and I was helping him. Clearly this became a terribly co dependent relationship. And now I don’t know who I am without caring for him. I blocked his number but still have messaged him on social media. Why?! And I got mad at him because o was pouring my heart out to him last night and he suddenly went MIA. I guess he was busy but it hurt like I could never explain

I think about hurting myself most of the day but it wouldn’t fix anything. I do know my period isn’t helping matters

How can I find myself and get some peace?

Im so lonely and sad