I have no idea what’s wrong with me. I’m constantly mad at my husband because I feel like I’m doing a lot more than he is with our baby. He wakes up in the middle of the night and takes care of the baby but then I feel guilty because I can’t wake up when our baby cries, I just don’t hear him. Just yesterday I finally saw an amazing lactation specialist and she helped me with latching my baby. I exclusively breastfed for 24 hours, went through cluster feedings and woke up all night to feed him to get him adjusted to the boob again because I was pumping bottles for a month. Now my supply has gone up by a lot. But today I’ve been so down, my baby has been crying nonstop all day long and I did everything I could to calm him. I gave a bottle once the 24 hour mark hit and he still fussed. My husband came home and couldn’t even deal with the baby for 5 mins when I dealt with it for 10+ hours nonstop. He literally only slept for an hour, collectively, all day. The rest was screaming and fussing. I really really really want to breast feed and I got the latch down until the end of today. I couldn’t get my son to stay on my nipple and it kept sliding out of his mouth so he would end up sucking on the tip of my nipple and it hurts so so so so bad. My whole birthing experience was backwards of what I wanted. I wanted all natural, no epidural, and ended up with an emergency csection. I was on bed rest half of my pregnancy, lost a lot of income for my family which resulted in us moving out of town for a lower cost of living.. and all I want to do is breastfeed. I want to accomplish at least one thing I planned to do. I don’t know if I have ppd but I don’t even want to look at my son or husband right now. I feel like a failure of a mom and a failure of a wife for always being mad at my husband. I don’t even know why he’s with me.