Having sad dreams about no shower

⭐️MerFerret⭐️ • 👼🏼👼🏼👼🏼 • Beagle mama • Lupus & Fibro • 🏳️‍🌈 bi

Now let me start out with I don’t care if I actually get a “shower” and gifts. But I love celebrating with parties and would be afraid to host a non-shower party myself because people may think it’s supposed to be a shower and think I’m being selfish or rude by self hosting.

Background: Idk I’ve got some anxiety and self esteem issues that comes from abusive parents that always treated me like I was never good enough for them or praise (even when I got national or statewide awards).

My family love parties and get together and I’ve had so many friends and coworkers say “let me know when your shower is I’m so excited to officially celebrate your little bean!” But I’ve not had anyone even hint to offer to host.

If no one offers to host should I just do a babyBBQ and make it obvious that we don’t expect gifts? We’ve had so many parties for so much less than a new baby in the family, am I wrong for worrying a little?