Anxiety, fear, feel like the devil is attacking me.

I have had anxiety come and go for years. When I was 14 I had developed lots of anxiety, racing thoughts, the fear of going crazy and fear of being alone. I believed in Jesus but wasn’t practicing his word and seeking him. I was to focused on my own “worldly life” focused on my fears and was just wanting to feel Normal again. I was so scared that I didn’t want to tell my doctor how I was feeling or my racing thought because I was afraid he would think I was crazy. I finally talked to him and he put me on lexapro which is an antidepressant that also works for people with anxiety. I felt better with in a week. Then I was able to focus on other things besides fear and was able to handle the little fears that came my way because I wasn’t so overwhelmed with being in a constant panic and not able to think very clear. I only was on lexapro for about a year and then felt fine and able to handle stress and fear on my own.

Well five years later after the birth of my daughter at 19 I started having the baby blues and fears and my anxiety all came back. I took Prozac for a month and then started working and was very busy and things just moved on.

About 2 years later I started having more anxiety and letting my self be afraid of my racing thoughts. I felt Guilty for feeling this way. I was scared. I felt like I was going to go crazy. I went to a Christian counselor who was wonderful and assured me I wasn’t going crazy I was just having anxiety. He taught me a few things about getting my brain to stop but because I was so worried about my fears and feeling the way I did I couldn’t take in everything and apply it to my life and anxiety. So on a day I was feeling anxious I called my doctor and started taking lexapro again. It worked. Almost like a placebo pill. Knowing I could fall back on it and I would feel better even after one pill. But that’s what I did, only took it a month or two then felt good and strong again.

3 years later a lot has changed. I’ve felt strong about handling my anxiety and praying and trusting Jesus. I didn’t let myself be afraid of a scared thoughts or of being alone. I accepted it as just a thought and moved on.

My daughter and I have moved in with my fiancé to a small town. Only an hour and a half away from where we used to live. I left my job that I loved where all my friends were. I also didn’t realize all we gave up when moving to such a small town. Like not being able to just go out and go the mall or coffee shops and those small things that I always did. It has been a big change. I love the small town and want my daughter to grown up here and around our new family. I love my fiancé and we are so blessed with everything we have.

We became pregnant in April and we were so excited!!! It brought on a lot of worry tho as I was told early on to expect the worse. In the weeks waiting to find our baby’s heart beat I began to have miserable migraines and went to the hospital 3 times in a week. The first ER visit they did a ultra sound and found our fetal pole with a heart beat. I couldn’t believe it. We were told many times that our pregnancy wasn’t viable and that we need to plan a D&C.; We were shocked. I almost felt I couldn’t believe it tho and I was so extreamly sick that it was hard to be happy. But I was still doing ok and was able to handle my stress ok with the help of my fiancé and prayers. After a few more appointments that the doctors said everything was fine and ok I went to our 11 weeks ultra sound where we found out we had a missed miscarriage. It’s was traumatic for me and I felt I could grieve because I was so scared about having an

D &C.; My fiancé and I got through it and he was right by my side every step of the way.

Two months later I started having anxiety again. Our daughter just turned 5 and she is starting kindergarten and that has me emotional in itself. I am working but at a job with older lady’s that I cant socialize with. Which I feel like was a huge support for me at my old job. I have been trying to be as present as possible because I don’t want to miss a thing with my daughter and our wonderful family. I started having my racing thoughts and fears. I feel guilty for feeling this way because our life has been very blessed. My thoughts and fears are making me feel like I am going crazy (sounds familiar) I feel weak. I feel like I am not the fiancé or mom I was two weeks ago. My fiancé is so supportive and I talk and cry to him almost every day for the last few weeks and I feel like im being a burden or like he might not want to help me or he will get tired of me being so emotional and fearful (these are my racing thoughts). I also have been having a fear of “how is everything happening” this has all gone on in just the last few weeks and then on Friday my grandpa died and I am having a hard time with it. I am staying in the word of God as much as I can and trying to not dwell on my anxiety and fears. I am trying to command the devil away and trying to focus on how great things are and how this isn’t Gods plan for me. I want to beat my anxiety once and for all. I want to stop wasting my time wondering about how everything’s is happening and stop worrying about going crazy and just focus all my attention on God and my family!

I am wondering if I should speak with my doctor again about getting on an antidepressant so I can become calm enough to refocus my beliefs and tools to handle my anxiety. I know God can heal anyone and wants nothing but good things for us. I know God can heal me of my anxiety and I feel like God puts things out there for us that can help (doctors and Medications) but I keep having this fear (which I know the devil is trying to attack me) that this time it won’t work. Or you don’t believe in God enough and by taking medication you are giving in.... etc my list of fear goes on.

I am looking for thoughts and prayers that can help my situation. What people think about taking anti anxiety medications? What the Bible says about medications as well.

This is pretty long but I wanted to give a little bit more information about my experiences with anxiety.