I feel like I’m going crazy.....

Hey ladies, I need some help.

I’m going annon bc this is embarrassing for me. Also this is might be long so sorry in advance.

Alright so for some background, I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. He has been my first for nearly everything, and we met in college. Bc we met in college, he has obviously been with other people before and has experienced everything. He actually had a girlfriend for 3 years before we got together.

I feel crazy bc we have been together for so long, and the past is the past, but it still seems to bother me.

About 30 min ago, we decided to see what our oldest pictures on our phones where and to go look at the from there. Now, I expected to see pictures of this ex, but some of them had upset me. He has screenshots of some of their old conversations, pictures of her sleeping on him and him holding her the exact same way he holds me........ it just made me feel not very special. I know the things we do he’s probably done a hundred times over, but all of this was new for me. It was special for me.

There was even a video of him talking to his niece when she was a baby, and telling her that she was going to meet her aunt Rachel (ps my names not Rachel). It just hurt too bad to see and hear.

I know some of you will wonder why he still has this on his phone. He said he doesn’t like the memories bc she was mentally abusive to him, so he doesn’t like looking at the pictures even to delete them. He was trying to scroll past them quickly, he was surprised they were still there.

Idk, I just feel like I’m going crazy bc we have been together for so long, and none of that should matter anymore, but I feel like dirty seconds.

I gave him everything I possibly could, and there’s nothing left for me. We live together and he says I’ll be the first one he makes a baby with, but I feel like that’s not even true bc his ex used to say she had miscarriages. But he tells me that she lied all the time so he’s not sure if that was true or not.

I know he can’t change the past, and I know none of it matters anymore, but I still feel like I’m not special and like I’m just the replacement.

(This doesn’t matter but his family likes me a lot better bc they didn’t like the way she treated him)

I just need positivity and reassurance. I don’t really have anyone to talk about this with and I’m feeling really down about myself.