When does it get easier? 😭😭

Every month I think, YES! THIS IS GOING TO BE MY DAMN MONTH! I am not going to let last month’s negativity of not becoming pregnant get me down. However, as every month that comes by that AF comes I just am crushed & defeated with the reality I won’t become a mom that month. That I will have to go look my poor husband in the eyes letting him know this wasn’t our month yet again. Having to be held while you am crying, trying to breath & understand why God won’t give you the opportunity to be the amazing parents you know you can be. That you have to continuously listen to people ask why you & your husband don’t have children yet, and explain it’s just a part of God’s pan and the timing just isn’t right. Even though you are starting to second guess all of it yourself. There is nothing more difficult than watching people around you continuously get pregnant, while you can only just sit there letting jealousy & anger take over every bone in your body. These are people you love. Family. Friends. People you should be so excited for. When does it get easier? When does it finally become your time? When will the hurt go away as each month comes by that you get another negative pregnancy test? We both have amazing jobs. We have an amazing home. We have amazing support systems from both our families. I can’t continue to have the devastation & hurt every month when I get a negative test, but also fail both my husband & myself. 😭😭😭 I have tried tracking my ovulation with strips, preseed, elevating my hips. Every damn thing I can think of. I am at the end of my rope. 😭😭