Okay so this is long but I’ll try to shorten it,

Me and my children’s father have been off and on for 4 years. Our son is 2 and through out those 2 years he’s probably bought 5 small packs of diapers, 3 packs of wipes, a pair of shoes, no more then 10 pieces of clothing, and like 2 cans of formula. He hasn’t spent a dime on him in the past 10 months. I gave him another chance when our son was 1, and i was still doing it all alone. Financially and physically. He’d sit in bed on his phone all day and watch tv when he wasn’t working. Just when i was about to walk away bc i was sick of it all, boom. Two lines on a pregnancy test🤦🏻‍♀️ i literally broke down and couldn’t stop crying. I considered abortion but i knew I’d never forgive myself and wouldn’t even be able to get myself to do it. I just had to step up and take care of my responsibilities. I did this to myself. I found out I was pregnant in February. He seemed happy but then started acting distant. I talked to him about it and he promised he was okay and loved me. But it only got worse, we were barley speaking. So I packed me and my son’s stuff up and left. And guess who didn’t speak to me for 6 months! 6 months without even asking about our son or unborn child. Completely missed our son’s 2nd birthday, no text or call or even a post on social media. He’s been in and out of our son’s life since he’s been born and i should have never given him another chance. He recently started talking to me again (now that I’m about to be 8 months pregnant) and i still have pictures and videos from when we were together and i showed my son and asked him who that was and he goes “i don’t know mommy”. It breaks my heart bc i grew up without a dad and now my kids have a deadbeat half ass father. I’m tired of doing it all alone and barley getting by while he’s out here living life like he has no kids and going out drinking every night and buying himself clothes and shoes. Meanwhile he has now 4 (yes i know I’m stupid.) children who he doesn’t support. Hes on child support for his first (the mother was pregnant when i met him but they both told me they only had sex a few times and were never anything serious) but he’s literally like $5-6,000 behind. His other son’s mother had him on child support but took him off, but she’s recently told me he does nothing for him. But what I’m scared for about filing is that it’s going to start a war. He’s going to be LIVID that i filed and then go to court trying to have shared custody. Its not that i don’t want my children to have their father, but he’s just not a good father and as much as i love my kids, i wish i had them with someone else. He recently started drinking every night and has major anger issues especially while drunk. He has had 8 PFAs field against him. He was abusive to his ex, he never keeps a job, he moved 2 hours away knowing all his kids live in the same city, he never does anything for his kids, he cares more about girls and having sex then anything, and my son doesn’t even remember him bc he just goes mia for months. I don’t want my son to be sent off with a “stranger” and scream and cry and there be nothing i can do. I’d be worrying about him not being watched the whole time too. And his ex told me when their son was a few weeks old when she came to pick him up after he had him for a few hours he brought him out to the car (it was winter time) with no jacket, no socks, no hat, a full diaper, and he was starving. He was just not made to be a father and i hate myself for even risking getting pregnant again. He doesn’t even have a car so idk how he’d drive 2 hours to take me to court and see our son, but the though terrifies me. I don’t know what to do.

*please no hate comments about how i stupid i am for getting pregnant again after seeing how he was the first time. Trust me, i bash myself everyday for it and i love my daughter already but definitely wish i never took him back.