I just feel so lost in my life and I’m only 14. School starts tomroow and it is the worst thing in my life I hate it so much and I have friends that I love but I am always thinking suicidal thoughts. I am still thinking of someone who I should have forgotten about a long time ago. Okay here goes nothing I need to get it out. I rly liked this guy and I was told by a friend he liked me too. The problem was that my best friend of 9 years liked him too. I talked to this boy about a lot over a course of 3 months. One night things got messy and he kissed my best friend infront of me knowing well that I liked him. My best friend didn’t know I liked him and probably wouldn’t have kissed him if she knew I liked him. But I was so heartbroken and cried for days and didn’t talk to him much for about 4 weeks. I know it was only a kiss, but it’s just the thought of it and the way he knew I liked him and didn’t realize how much that would hurt when someone u are in love with and u think they like u too goes off with ur best friend. Still to this day I think of him and we are talking again but more on a friend level but I still like him but not as much now that things are moved on with him and my friend. I want something with him but I can’t really see it happening but I just can’t leave him behind and I cant drop my feelings but I want to be good friends. All this has caused me and my best friend to drift an awful lot and it’s tearing me apart because she was once such an important part of my life and now I just say hi to her and not much more but I love her so much and want to be close again. Thanks for taking the time to read this if u did but I can’t tell anyone all this without them judging me and I feel so alone all the time and I think I’m getting depression